In the last issue, I shared some of my feelings and learning's gleaned from Dr. Annette Vallancourt's Soul-Mate ManiFEST class. I have now completed the course and am eager to share my "take-aways".
In the class we did many exercises to uncover the blocks that were keeping us at arm's length from our Soul-Mates, and then, being clear on what our blocks were, we used techniques for anxiety-reduction to make those blocks go away! One of the biggest blocks for me had been discomfort and anxiety around meeting and getting to know people (read: men). I also used the anxiety reducing techniques to get over past guilt and to forgive myself for having hurt people in past relationships.
Another big moment of clarity for me was meeting and understanding the needy little girl who lives inside me. Perhaps now that I know she's a part of me, I will not be blind-sided by her (my) neediness. In fact, I now see how "Little Debbie" is actually helping me by wanting to be heard and valued. Now "Big Deborah" can consciously choose to be in relationship with a man who hears and values her. In the past I have settled. I only felt I was lovable when I was helping another...and of course that means I attracted needy men for me to help. NO MORE! Now, I am actively seeking someone who doesn't need me, but who values me...who enjoys being with me...whose life I enrich just by virtue of being ME. I now move away from emotional care-taking and into emotional, mental, and physical sharing. Love it!
The picture of my Soul-Mate is much clearer to me now. In fact, I have deleted a few potential candidates from my list. Not that they are bad people...they are in fact wonderful men...who I hope to have as life-long friends, but who at this stage of life (mine and theirs) are not right for me. It's interesting, I see myself as being drawn in closer and closer to the "perfect" man for me in part because I now see myself attracting in male friends...and they are wonderful!
What's next? I will continue to "mine" my completed homework/journaling for additional insights. I will allow my new clarity to become solidly part of me. And, I have made a commitment to myself, to venture out into the world at least once per week to places where people gather socially (people meaning men and women)... to expand the field of men out there waiting to get to know and enjoy me. I am NOT a bar person, so, these must be venues I enjoy...give me entertainment in the form of story-telling, live music (preferably at a comfy volume), poetry, dance, an interesting lecture, a hike... And, I will be examining some new (to me) info about body language, relationship "types" (learning my type and how to recognize the right type of partner for me), and flirting.
I am practicing getting comfy with flirting .... first thing for me was to redefine flirting as "being enthusiastically interested in another". At the Earth Day Festival I found myself rushing up to a man wearing a kilt and asking if he knew the BBC series, "Monarch of the Glen". I was feeling so much enthusiasm for the Scottish series that, though I didn't realize it, I came across as flirting with him. In fact, the man immediately mentioned a PBS show I might like that he and his wife liked to watch. Dr. Annette clued me in that he thought I was flirting and felt the need to clarify that he was married. Although my original thought was just an enthusiastic bubbling over about "Monarch" I realized, in hindsight, that I could flirt! I could share my passion...my enthusiasm!
Wish me luck!