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June 5, 2012   



 



Dear :

I am embarrassed to say that I have at various times in my life been called, "stubborn," "selfish," and "self-righteous", (not recently, thank you very much). So it may not come as much of a surprise to hear that I have had some life challenges in the area of relationships...both personal and business. And, because this is still 2012, my "Year of Loving," I decided to go back through my February newsletter (click here for February 2012) and check my "Year of Loving Brainstorm List" mining it for relationship info/ growth opportunities. From the original list of 15 items, the ones most relevant to the topic of "being in relationship" were:

2. Checking in with myself when I am unsure of what I want...asking, "Am I choosing the way I can best love myself?"

3. In loving others, I will choose to be conscious that my words and actions are coming from that most loving part of me...my Divine Spark.

6. Learning to accept others as they are (my biggest challenge). I want to stop judging others...to know that they don't need to be "wrong" so I can be "right".

I spent some time on #2 thinking about how a perfect business partner relationship (for example) would look for me. I created a "What I Want in a Business Partnership" list...and a faux "want ad." I realize that it is always in both partners' interest to vet each other carefully...and that it is always MY responsibility to do my vetting with a conscious mind-set... more than going solely on feelings. I now know to add a conscious thought component to my feeling/intuition decision-making component.

As for item #3, "...my words and action"... As I become aware of MY responsibility to meet my own needs, I find myself letting go of past angers at others. As I take responsibility for my part in past differences, I am now able to respond with more kindness and compassion.

And the lynch pin...what makes it ALL work... is the concept (from #6) of not needing to make another person wrong in order for me to be right. My bottom line now is that although I am "right" in my own needs and desires, another person is just as "right" in his/her own needs and desires...and that what we may or may not be is "right" for each other.

I also tried the "Shadow Exercise" from Dr. Annette Vaillancourt's Soul-Mate ManiFEST class to uncover more about myself in relationships... to come to a deeper level of learning. I learned that when I commit to a relationship (personal, romantic, or business), I have a fear of losing my SELF in the bargain...losing my essence...what I came to this life to be...to create...to live.

The Shadow Exercise led me to understand that I have the personal freedom to extricate myself from relationships that are not "right" for me...and to lose my old guilt about not hanging in...not remaining in partnership...not honoring a commitment no matter what.

In my past, I have gotten into relationship without adequate "vetting," I have removed myself from partnership (divorced) and felt guilty about not staying...not "making it work." No more guilt! As a favorite cartoon once put it: "SUCK ROCKS GUILT!" From here on out, out of love for myself, I will be doing a thorough job of vetting all prospects...of focusing on "what I want"...and then I will commit...to giving to the "right" partnership/relationship my many gifts...while honoring my most precious SELF.

Deborah

P.S.  Sorry, but there won't be a July newsletter. Check out the "CLOSING" section for a "gift" to remember us by...


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